Riding The Scree

Posted: July 17, 2012 in the Self-pity goes to 11, Uncategorized

tonight’s conversation with a Brother of Zombie, ranged from politics and health and employment, as those sorts of conversation will…

Oh, yeah I got the shotgun out.

?

yea, there are baby raccoons running across the street.

!

Need to be able to blast those fuckers.

!!!!

It should be noted that BoZ is elder, and has been unemployed for three years.  And doesn’t even enjoy the pleasure of being unemployed with multiple high level degrees, as many goofy shit people like me have.  But I digress.
I am ALARMED, yes I am.  Fuck, I can barely type.  I have several work-type things I should be trying to put out, and cannot make heads-vs-testicles out of it.

Called Other Brother to talk about it; turns out a similar reference to said shotgun came up, during a birthday dinner yesterday.

I AM FUCKING ALARMED.

I called a suicide hotline sort, who were amazingly unhelpful.  If you feel like someone is considering offing themselves, you either have to convince them to look for their own help, or wait for the police to be scraping their brains off the dining room window.  Beyond that, there is no help at being a family member and helping guide them out of the darkness.  Or wait for them to say “I am going to take this shotgun and blow my brains into the dining room; bring a mop”.  But beyond that, oh wait you are calling from Milwaukee?  the person is in Madison?  perhaps you need to to call the Madison Police?

Look, if you are sensible enough to call a suicide helpline, you aren’t really quite there, right?  If you have already put the rope around your neck or the shotgun in your mouth, it’s kind of too late, right?

IF I CALL AND TELL YOU THERE IS A PERSON WHO IS UNEMPLOYED AND KIND OF DEPRESSED AND TOLD ME THEY WERE GETTING THE SHOTGUN, IS THERE A FUCKING POSSIBILITY THAT YOU MIGHT HELP ME IN FIGURING OUT A PATH THAT DOES NOT RESULT IN WIPING BRAINS OFF THE CEILING?

Several years ago, we had one of our most favorite nephews, one of the smartest kids ever, who wound up in a negative spiral of crappy jobs and criminal crap. wound up blowing his brains out on the wall of his parent’s house. It was one of the most hurtful things I have ever experienced.  It;s the kind of thing that I am hoping we can avoid, ever again.

I believe my older brother is thinking about killing himself, and I do not know if there is something I can do to prevent it.

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Comments
  1. Another Kiwi says:

    Perhaps get the family together to show him he’s needed.

  2. We have a small fam at best, and we do what we can. Yanno what would be hilarious and weird? If we had all kinds of blog-roll people show up at our party and walk up to him and say”hey, dude, we’ve read about you!” unless that was creepy on its own,, but hey, how can it be worse, right?

  3. Pinko Punko says:

    f*ck. after we moved to University of Suck (that is not now, this is University of F***) we went to old hometown for a few days and tried to catch up with our neighbor. Our landlord had to tell us about what you are talking about here and finding the body. It was f*cking horrible. I have no idea what can even be said. Is it possible to remove the shotgun? Maybe borrow and lose it? Or would that make it worse- this is terrible to even think about thinking about what you must be feeling, let alone what he must be feeling.

  4. mikey says:

    I know this dood. He’s older, can’t find a job and is on the verge of running out of money. He’s gotten increasingly depressed and that creates a lot of personal dysfunction which feeds into the inability to find anyone on the planet to pay him for anything. He’s always had a lot of pride, and his self esteem is just in tatters.

    Anyway, he doesn’t say a whole lot about it, but I’m pretty sure this dood thinks about going out through the back door. Not yet, he thinks, but at this rate of decline I’ll get there, to a point where it’s just awful and pointless and then maybe I’ll just flip my switch and call it a life. You don’t want to do anything to enable, but you get the sense that maybe this dood I know even finds it comforting that there IS a back door, should he ever decide to use it.

    Now here’s the thing. This dood I know just wants to be able to live some kind of life. What he’s dealing with is hopelessness, and there’s the key for ZomBro. Hope. The simple and infinitely complex answer is you’ve got to find a way to make him feel like there’s a light, somewhere, maybe it’s over at the Frankenstein place, but sometime soon something’s gonna break his way. Hope is an incredibly powerful medicine, it doesn’t take but a tiny bit, but it’s gotta be real. No placebos here. No happy talk or false bravado – a real path forward that doesn’t include spending the rest of his life a helpless charity case.

    How you do that differs from one individual to another, based on their tolerance for outside assistance and a more limited set of life goals. But outside of genuine illness, the one thing that drives people to make that final bad choice is hopelessness.

    Good luck, mi amigo…

  5. Jennifer says:

    I have had the experience of removing the shotgun in time… and also NOT removing the shotgun in time… try to remove the shotgun.

  6. fish says:

    Keep him talking. In person if you have to. The only way he sees the hope Mikey so eloquently discusses, is by talking to others who care what happens. Don’t leave him to his own thoughts, no matter how hard talking is…

  7. Nick says:

    Sorry to hear, ZRM. No personal experience to relate (thankfully), but I am an information professional, so here are two possibly useful websites: http://www.hopes-wi.org/ (Madison based suicide prevention group), http://www.preventsuicidewi.org/ (state-wide suicide prevention group). Hopefully one or both will be more helpful to you than whoever you talked to initially. Also– remember to take care of yourself. Clearly you are, and should be, concerned about your brother, but you will be of no help to him if you freak out too much yourself.

    Douglas Adams might be useful: Don’t Panic. And it might be a good time to find your towel. 🙂 Good luck, Mr. Pilgrim.

  8. blue girl says:

    ZRM, I’m so sorry. How confusing to figure out how to move forward. Mikey’s comment was inspirational… offer hope, and like fish said, ask him if he’d like to talk, and then listen a lot. Good luck, ZRM. Love to you and your brother.

  9. Silent mike says:

    Been to hell, no job, no money, living in van. Turn to rich family and nothing. Ended up with loving mother and asshole step dad ready to leave mother due to me. Sucks big time. Is Older Zombie really that close or just trying to to blow something up for release? He obviously doesn’t read this blog or would know all about this and call. Hopefully above Madison helplines can do something. Good luck zrm.

  10. Von says:

    I am very sorry. I am keeping your family in my thoughts. Suicide is a painful awful thing. I’m sure you are doing all you can to help him.

  11. I kind of feel like I know that dood, mikey….

  12. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    I feel horrible for you and your brother. Is there any way you can get to Madison to check up on him and give him moral support? Do you know any of his friends who could be trusted to discreetly keep tabs on him?

    Damn, damn, damn, this is upsetting.

  13. Kathleen says:

    Holy shut dude I am seriously sending you every good thought and friendship I can.

  14. Has he tried the meds? Get him to give them a shot. Even without insurance and stuff a lotta doctors have samples around and you might be able to scrounge some for free.

  15. Oh for…..(I posted a comment, then navigated away too soon, and it went to the same place as Mitt Rmoney’s tax returns, never to be seen again)

    Ok. Well. Here goes again.

    Thanks, everyone for the encouragement and suggestions. every comment was pertinent and useful and who ever expected that of THIS group?

    Shyeah, perhaps I overreacted. A bit. (I know, I know, it’s VERY UNUSUAL for me, right?) Other Brother thought so, and he has been able to judge firsthand. But we are going to remain in closer touch with Elder Brother, and try to make sure he knows he has some backup. And that he should just jettison the stubborn pride already, if he needs something.

    We’re gonna do a better job of being brothers, is all.

    If needs be, we will ship Elder up to Substance’s place to take advantage of those fine, fine, cheap Canadianoid meds.

    And just in case, I think thunder needs to be ready to swoop in with a pitcher or two of Bloody Caesars. Be alert.

    thanks again, everyone. You’re a fine bunch of Imaginary Frenz. I don’t care if nobody believes in you.

    PS: Nick, one of those links was the one I followed to arrive at Unhelpful HotLine. I won’t say which one.

  16. Another Kiwi says:

    Good news, dude. On behalf of the imaginary friends I would like to ask that we don’t have to dress up in French Maid outfits, no more. It just ain’t right.

  17. mikey says:

    Not to challenge Kiwi’s role as chief costume officer, but I find the French Maid outfits unusually functional in that there are no trousers to try and keep track of. Life is just easier that way…

  18. If it’s really a problem, AK, feel free to switch to the Dirty Librarian.

  19. vacuumslayer says:

    Oh gosh. Yeah, I’d just bug the hell out of him and tell him he’s needed and loved. Over the phone. Through emails, whatever.

  20. Silent mike says:

    My problem is finding French Maid outfits in XXXL so they fit. It ain’t a pretty picture when I squeeze into only the XL . . .

Go ahead, tell me how I fucked up this time.

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