How To Compose Popular Songs That Will Sell

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Fuck You Friday


Especially those tightasses who think saying BAD FUCKING WORDS is unprofessional.  Hey, I’m a fucking professional.

Up first.  GO FUCK YOURSELF A BUNCH OF FUCKING GODDAM BIGOTED SCROTUM-TWISTING VOTER RESTRICTION ASSWIPES IN OHIO.  Fucking jerkwad Republicans (but I repeat myself) in Ohio eliminated an early voting and expanded voting hours legislation, keeping them in white-flight suburbs.  When the Ohio Supreme Court overturned the law, the Shitweasel Secretary of State said that he would NOT instruct the counties (especially the Democrat-leaning ones) to comply with the early voting, because he wanted to appeal the ruling.  The Obama administration weighed in with a filing insisting that they enforce the law allowing early voting, and the judge involved demanded the S of S attend a hearing…in the fucking woodshed.

The tool backed down, and the early/expanded voting will go forward.  VOTING RIGHTS expanded.  I am sending out a thank you on a FYF (a rarity in itself) because SOMEBODY ought to.

We’ve all had bosses who fall in love with their own stupid ideas and won’t let them fucking go.  So grow the FUCK UP, Obama, there is no such thing as the BOWLES-SIMPSON report.  Your precious fucking commission was a failure.  The driftglass-Charlie Pierce axis both remind you, not to mention the Great Fucking Krughtulhu.

Old people do not need to go back to eating cat food.  Get the fuck over your failed idea that is dead as Dick Cheney  and we all can move on.

Ah.  I see a button here.  Maybe I should push it (note that what follows is not a traditional FYF feature)…..

Wherever we eff at each other, thunderpants and I get into it; invariably he unleashes a laundry list of transgressions of Obama and the Democrats.  And the inevitable link to Matt Stoller.

The la I am sure it seems as if I don’t have a rebuttal.  The truth is, most times I don’t; most of the things he brings up are things that I oppose (although I find Matt Stoller to be a pretty crappy writer and lousy rhetorician; but everybody has the right to have their bias confirmed now and again).

But here’s the thing:  There is not a SINGLE ONE of those areas where Rmoney, Lyin Ryan and the Republicans are not worse.  In many cases, worse to the point of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. level, white cat stroking world-destructive evil.  Obama has done things I oppose. He’s also done things that have helped people, including me.  Things the the Republicans fought, and would never have done if they had had more power.

As Molly Ivins pointed out, over and over again, the tragedy of politics is that it actually does affect actual people.  The thing about it is that the Republicans actually do not give a shit about actual people.  The Democrats are admittedly nearly as compromised and corrupt, but still occasionally manage to relieve the horror of modern life for people under stress and terror, once in a while.  Not always; but certainly at a greater rate than the opposition.

The ‘lesser of two evils’ is a trope and a cliche; but it is so because it is true, and always is.  I loved ALMOST everything former Milwaukee Mayor Norquist did in Milwaukee; but not everything.  And then he was forced to not seek re-election because he had an affair with a staffer.  What a douche-canoe.  It makes one cynical, it does.

But as mikey often points out, the election almost never offers ZRM or thunder as an option.

Finally, a very special FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK goes out to our own Gov Turdwaffle (who else) you BIG FUCKING CRYBABY.  Eagle Scout my fucking hairy ass.


Oh, and here’s a shorty.  GO STUFF YOUSELF, ANN RMONEY, YOU WRINKLE-WITTED SKATHATCH. By what right do you think you get to decide what other women (and men) find to be important?

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hypnotic image by Substance McGravitas

  1. Smut, right-wing assholes (but I repeat myself) and Rmoney (repeating myself again) have portrayed the Obama effort to provide better access to voting to all Ohio citizens as somehow damaging the right of Ohio military to use the same privilege.

    It’s actually what the judge ruled as not making any sense.

    It’s a stupid, illogical argument, but it’s Ohio Republicans.

  2. Oh and, FUCK YOU DNC. Coddling a rapist-protector hater and allowing him a presence, when he only uses it to attack one of your constituencies. FUCK OFF.

  3. mikey says:

    EVERYTHING is a political calculation. More or less votes? More or less money? More or less positive polling? Whether it’s a rapist or a war or assassinations or support for apartheid. Calculations, math, getting elected, gaining power, achieving leverage.

    Only this time, right now, it matters. You nailed it. The only alternative to Obama is a brutal, ugly, destructive force that would use democratic politics to destroy the lives of millions of people all around the globe in the name of a failed and discredited ideology.

    One, it must be pointed out, is so toxic and repugnant that they cannot even describe it honestly and hope to be elected by their own constituency, but rather they have to lie and pretend there is some benefit to pushing half the wealth generated by the richest nation in the world to the same three million people without asking them to contribute to the well-being of their own community.

    This is a fight for survival. And at best, it’s going to be a close run thing…

  4. Jennifer says:

    Where’d my damn comment go?? It’s not like I said the Canadian name that shall not be mentioned… I said:

    Eagle Scout my fucking hairy ass.

    Are you using Eagle Scout as a verb in that sentence???

    OK, I’m not on drugs. I’ve written the comment and now I’m posting it. Let’s see if it sticks.

  5. Are you using a Kindle, Jennifer?

  6. mikey says:

    I’m sorry, even if it’s true, the idea of Jennifer’s hairy ass disturbs me.

    I’m going back to my Schnitzel with noodles.

    It’s one of my favorite things…

  7. Jennifer says:

    Ahem, I was quoting Master McDonald… I try to leave my ass out of the comments… It having had better days.

  8. Jennifer says:

    mikey- do you have Rahm sauce?

  9. the idea of Jennifer’s hairy ass disturbs me.

    Interesting. (pulls up chair, puts on fake beard, fake pipe, fake tweed)

    Zo, tell me, vy vass you jealous oaf your vater?


  10. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    We’ve all had bosses who fall in love with their own stupid ideas and won’t let them fucking go. So grow the FUCK UP, Obama, there is no such thing as the BOWLES-SIMPSON report.

    And no such thing as CLEAN COAL! What the fuck, Barry?

    And Mr Zombie, if that is your real name, don’t you dare compare Stepford wife Ann Romney to Scáthach, who was a feminist pioneer and general badass.

  11. herr doktor bimler says:

    The hairy asses are all over at Riddled.

  12. blue girl says:

    Interesting link/post about swearing. Some people do it and it turns me off completely. Other people do it and it totally cracks me up. I think it’s an art.

    And speaking of art, your f’ing graphic is hilarious. 🙂

  13. mikey says:

    “Wrinkle Witted Skathatch”.

    Now that is some fine, high-end name calling right there. I don’t even know how to TRY to come up with shit like that. It’s a gift, I tellya…

  14. yeah, it’s a DIFFERENT Skathatch, Bastard.

    mikey, I confess I found artificial name-calling enhancement online.

  15. Some people do it and it turns me off completely.

    yeah, sorry about that.

    The driftglass thing was hilarious. if you listen to their podcast, (and why the hell AREN’T you?) they don’t cuss that much, and in the course of the show, more like someone would do in a face-to-face conversation. Not like me.

  16. The hairy asses are all over at Riddled.



    Thanks, Paleo. It wasn’t my favorite, I’m a little rusty. check out the other FYFs.

  18. blue girl says:

    Ok, I’ll listen to the podcast, dammit!

    (I say the F word A LOT in my head.)

  19. Listen all the way to the end, beege. After the credits, This week there is a totally adorbs appearance by one of their kids.

  20. BBBB, the clean coal thing is one of the things about Obama that I find kind of curious. He makes a point to mention it with some frequency, but as far as I can tell, has only made nominal efforts to actually pursue it. Meanwhile, his administration is stepping up enforcement of clean air requirements for existing coal plants and restrictions on destructive mining practices, which is also making it impractical for new coal plants to open. (incidentally, the coal industry is whining about how much Obama is trying to kill them, and the Republicans are joining in the chorus; but in reality, it is the natural gas industry that is squeezing them out). I confess I did not do extensive research, but poked around a little bit on the issue.

    So it’s kind of like when I am effing at thunder about the Simpson-Bowles thing; he is saying this, but his actions actually don’t show it.

    It may not be his intent on these issues, but the effect is that he largely neutralizes one of the weapons the Right wing would try to use, and in a way that sounds mostly reasonable to non-politically obsessed people.

    Of course, the narrow path this leaves him to walk is to manage to avoid discouraging too many of the further left citizens, like me and thunder. Hopefully, he is aware of this calculation because obviously he has not been completely successful at it, and I believe this election will almost wholly depend on the energy of the nominal base. Rather than the largely imaginary, declining, and criminally apathetic ‘undecided’ voters.

Go ahead, tell me how I fucked up this time.

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