Tell Balgeary, Balgury is Dead

Posted: October 14, 2012 in Fridge Note

But no.

Here’s what I want to call to your attention.

Now, I recognize, of course, that most of what you breathers know about combating zombies comes from cheesy movies and splatter comic books, but what would you look for in a post-zompocalypse structure?

Not that I am going to take any of your suggestions seriously, of course. Sheesh, it’s like I am just inviting people to fantasize about brutalizing me. Not that most of you need encouragement.

But in the end, I may just submit a design that makes the breathers feel safe, but then traps them while there is a trick entrance that allows us to just wander in and graze.

  1. mikey says:

    I have a few opinions about defensive strucdtures, particularly when it comes to setting up kill zones and area denial weapons and managing fields of fire. But the Giants game is about to start, so I’m going to offer a slightly different take.

    The key to fighting Zombies is simple. .22 Long Rifle. Small, cheap, upbiquitous. Easy to shoot, easy to aim, plenty powerful to do the necessary cerebral damage. Ruger 10/22s with 50 round magazines and red dot sights will allow the ‘breathers’ to actually decimate the shambling herds. And ultimately, the key to surviving the zompocalypse is to reduce their number to the point where they no longer represent a threat to survival, even if survivors are losing a few bodies now and then for decades. Using up large caliber rounds when center-mass shots don’t do any damage is stupid.

  2. Silent Mike says:

    Did Monty Python not already make this building? Rotating blades . . .

  3. 480V 100A electric fence, topped with razor wire, with the base a running water trench to wash away gobbets of flesh thus keeping a pleasant odor/appearance.

  4. fish says:

    Have the entrance steps be an escalator always going down.

  5. mikey says:

    Based on watching various examples of zombat on my teevee, I’d say the key defensive architectural feature would be chokepoints – narrow walkways with solid sheer concrete or brick walls, and perhaps even open from the floor above. The problem people have fighting zombies seems to be getting enveloped, even when they retain a substantial firepower advantage. At some point the swarm just wins. So go all Thermopolae on their shambling asses, and close them down to a four-zombie front. Then a few people, with a variety of weapons from rifles to flame throwers to claymores to grenades could hold that position almost indefinitely. Some access ports here and there for eventual garbage removal would be a nice thought too…

    • based on the season premiere of Walking Dead, the ammunition will be too valuable to waste in such a situation, and pointed sticks of various kinds are the preferred weapon, although they do not allow you breathers to remain out of the splatter zone.

      You types are SO squeamish.

      Although you bring up the weak point; as teh flock gets put down, the deaders pile up, eventually allowing the climb up over the ramparts.

      • mikey says:

        I suspect the people would be able to control the height of the pile of garbage, if by no other means than a little HE. But if it was a concern in planning, you wouldn’t HAVE to leave the top of the chokepoint open. It would give you a means for killing them in large numbers as they washed up against the narrowest part, but if you didn’t think you could actually control that you just put a normal ceiling on it, maybe with a few vents for dropping grenades/flammables down on the shambling masses…

      • mikey says:

        Which reminds me – Question. Where did Carl get that hush puppy? Did I miss something?

      • They started it as six months or so after the lastish episode. Hence, Hershel’s neo-hippie hairstyles, and that basketball that Lori ate….

        Somewhere along the line, Carl upgraded his weapon, and has also become a crack shot….

        Lots of references to things that happened in the interval, which I suspect will show up in flashbacks. Lori and Rick seem to be estranged…

  6. Let you breathers in on a secret:


  7. mikey says:

    Never seen anything in the canon with zombies as tool-users. Never seen one with a ladder, a shovel, a fork & knife, even a toothpick. So we don’t have to worry about ladders. Next…

    • Silly mikey misunderstands, as is tradition. That, actually, was my point. Zombizzles don’t seem to climb ladders.

      Alternating tread stairs are still in question.

      Of course, I am a ladder-using zombie. So is there a new breed, or are zombies evolving? Rely on ladders as a barrier and find out!

    • Mentioner says:

      Is “City of the Dead” not in the canon? That movie, in particular, was freaked out precisely because the zombies began to come correct: with guns, even! Not to mention probably the first zombie tome (depending on how you read it) “I am Legend.” The zombies sent in a fucking spy to capture the protagonist. That’s fucking tool-using. I do not like that kind of zombie. At. All.

  8. mikey says:

    based on the season premiere of Walking Dead, the ammunition will be too valuable to waste in such a situation…

    That’s the whole point of .22 LR. You should have tens of thousands of rounds – hell, every walmart probably has fifty or a hundred thousand in stock – it’s really cheap ($0.04/round in bulk) and comes in 2000 round and 5000 round bricks. But there’s also lots of gasoline and ivory liquid (that makes napalm) and things like garden sprayers that can be adopted for use as dispensers.

    If you’re going to the trouble to build a defensive position, it would be kind of stupid not to stock it with basic necessities…

  9. mikey says:

    Wait, I thought the whole point of the zompoalypse was picking over the remains of a dying world. In TWD, Resident Evil, even The Road (zompocalypse without zombies – apostasy!) you go in the stores and houses and find the shit you need. I think the point has something to do with the factories aren’t making much stuff anymore…

  10. mikey says:

    Lori and Rick seem to be estranged…

    Noticed that. Did we ever find out for sure if Shane is the zom-father? ‘Cause that could be a festering problem. Also, too, Rick’s existential angst over leading a half dozen relatively competent survivors would cause me to be estranged too. They should vote him a demotion and let crossbow man take charge. Rick might stop sniveling long enough to do some worthwhile shit. Right now, every time they get a chance to hole up and rest and recover, he leads them on another ill-fated raid into zombie country…

    • Actually, I kind of disagree. The group seemed to be pretty willing to accept his leadership on the takeover of the prison, even if they are pretty beat. The thing between Lori and Rick is interpersonal.

      Even Crossbow Dood is happy to follow his lead, and while the dood is a tremendous asset when there are walkers around, I think even he knows he couldn’t manage the group like Rick does.

      And the angsty thing seemed to have evaporated in the intervening six months. Rick allowed for discussion of the incursion into the cell block, but when nobody came up with a convincing argument to not move, he made the call and expected everyone to do their parts. Which they did. And even when Hershel got treated like a bucket of chicken, there was no hesitation with the hatchet; saved the old guy’s life, if not his leg.

      And now that they have a stronghold with food and weapons and medicine, everyone can rest. Until the cons in the basement come into play, of course….

      • mikey says:

        I’m mostly ok with that explanation too, I just think he over reacts to the leadership role, even if it’s only when he’s arguing with his wife. This group, at this point, knows what they have to do to survive and knows their roles. They don’t need an operational leader. When there’s time, they can talk it out – and they wanted to wait and recover before they went further into the prison. He over-ruled the common sense of a competent group. What they DO need is a Sergeant – real time tactical decision making, combat leadership they trust and will follow unhesitatingly when blood is being spilled. And that IS necessary – they need to act in a unified fashion and not allow confusion or dissension to reduce their combat effectiveness. And I’m kind of unimpressed with Rick in either setting – too much of one, not enough of another. The amputation was a nice thought – although I’ve never heard any discussion of that as an option – how much time do you have after a bite to take off the limb? But that’s the action of a combat medic, not a leader. Remember when Josey Wales said “if somebody gets hit, sing out and slap hot iron to it”? That’s something that should be part of the integrated operational wisdom of the group. Tactical leadership is movement, fire, dividing the group or not, attack or retreat, employment of limited resources etc. And you can’t make those decisions effetively without a certain lack of empathy. The survival of the group is the goal – worrying about one or the other more than the group will get everybody killed…

  11. Wow, it’s like you guys have never read World War Z.

  12. mikey says:

    Well, actually, no. Haven’t read it.

    Did, however, read Blackhawk down, which if it wasn’t a true story, would have been an obvious zombie war allusion.

    With Gary Gordon and Randy Shughart, which is one of the greatest stories of courage under fire in the history of history…

  13. What they DO need is a Sergeant – real time tactical decision making, combat leadership they trust and will follow unhesitatingly when blood is being spilled. And that IS necessary – they need to act in a unified fashion and not allow confusion or dissension to reduce their combat effectiveness.

    Actually, that’s what I saw on last night’s episode.

Go ahead, tell me how I fucked up this time.

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