Please note: all you Breathers ignore this
And without further shambolic knees-bent lurching about, here’s the first Zombieriffic Special Top Whatever Zombie List:
TOP 8 ZOMBIE VEHICLES!!
8. Any random cafe-style motorcycle. It is a matter of anecdotal evidence that these bikes are ludicrously over-powered and appeal to younger males, who also are less experienced riders, more liable to take risks, and the least likely to wear a helmet. The result? Fresh, warm brains in a cracked open skull!! mmm-mmm!!
7. Pogo Stick. Not so good for late-term zombies, though, because of the rapid changes in momentum. Making the various extremities less attached, if you see what Imma sayin.
6. Segway. Cheap to run, maneuverable, flexible, and convertible to solar power, so they will be good choices after the undead have over run civilization. Goofy as all hell though, Adam Savage notwithstanding.
5. Hummer. Because you know, we don’t call you “Breathers” for nothing. So go ahead and pollute your own life-giving environment, you suicidal goons! We’ll clean up.
OK, I am going to say first that I mean no disrespect to the disabled, and applaud the mobility offered by these vehicles. However, they are not that fast, and look to be as maneuverable as a palsied three legged cow. So when you’re being chased by zombies, you’re SOL. Plus, no place to mount a chainsaw, and it takes two hands to drive, so you’re defenseless. So seriously, all the living should be driving one of these. I want to see a population like the folks on the spaceship in Wall-E
. Like a smorgasbord….
3. Whatever the fack this is.
Probably a good choice for the zombocalypse, however, because even though you can’t seem to drive it straight, zombies would fall down laughing to see someone riding one.
and without a doubt, no argument will be tolerated, don’t make me eat your brains, the Number One all time Zombie Vehicle is:
ME 262, Prince of Turbo Jet!
Immortalized by Blue Oyster Cult, both in song
and album cover
, not only is it zombie because it was the first jet powered fighter, looked like a fish, had a lovely undead color on the bottom, and was armed to the teeth, but it LIVES AGAIN!!