Come On Like The Fast Lane

Posted: December 13, 2012 in Fridge Note, Fuck You Friday, Humanity is a virus

Memo to the idiot bike rider at the stoplight this morning:

DUMBASS, YOU HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY.  YOU ALSO HAD A FIRETRUCK BEHIND YOU WAITING TO TURN RIGHT; THEY ALSO HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY.  YOUR OH-SO-POLITE ‘WAVING’ ME THROUGH THE INTERSECTION DOES NOTHING EXCEPT AGGRAVATE EVERYONE AND IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN IF YOU ACTUALLY KNEW THE RULES OF THE ROAD.  YOU HAD THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY, YOU IRREDEEMABLE TWERP.  FUCKING USE IT.

Go Fuck Yourself Also Too

…and don’t get me started on DRIVERS who wave everybody ahead at stop signs because they never bothered to learn the rules on it.  You’re not being conscientious, you’re being a fucking moron.  It’s more dangerous, and it ignores that there are other drivers behind you who expect you to be able to drive like an intelligent being.  Don’t come back until  you know how to fucking drive.

If I start to get into the fucking shit-for-brains who stop at EVERY intersection, including the ones WITHOUT  a stop sign AT ALL, we will be here all day and I will probably have an aneurysm.

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Comments
  1. mikey says:

    For a long time now, I have chosen to drive like old people fuck. I drive slowly, and without aggression. I’m remarkably zenned out in a car – I derive no pleasure from the act of driving, and have no interest in any kind of risk-taking associated with the automobile. I no longer have any interest in fast or exotic cars, and drive a leased Nissan because it goes when I push the start button.

    I do, however, get seriously annoyed by people with GIGANTIC Ess You Fucking Vees who have no idea how to drive them, particularly in parking lots. Look, this is pretty easy. If the car is so big you can’t drive it, GET A FUCKING HUMAN SIZED CAR!! That three ton urban assault vehicle that has NEVER even been shifted into 4H won’t fit in many parking spaces, and yeah, you’re going to have to walk farther to get to the door of the fucking drug store. But you chose that carbon spewing monstrosity, so try to put some effort into learning how to operate the goddam thing…

  2. blue girl says:

    What a lovely Christmas post this is! Love for all humanity… everywhere!

  3. well, if they would just straighten up and drive right, it would be a lovely Christmas Miracle.

  4. blue girl says:

    Not to keep bringing your posts back to ME. BUT! I will.

    I almost got killed between two SUVs the day before Thanksgiving. Stupid long boring story, but I was very grateful there was a field off to the right I could zoom into when the guy in front of me locked up his brakes and I could see the guy behind me was no where near being able to stop in time.

    I woulda been a BG sandwich on two SUV buns.

  5. Mentioner says:

    The day I found out my cruise control would kick in at thirty, was one of the happiest days of my life.

    • My wife used to work in the auto industry. The time they discovered that the computer control systems had a fault that made that happen occasionally was kind of a stressful time while they waited to see if anyone died before they could get them fixed.

  6. Jennifer says:

    I have fantasies of posting the rules of a 4-way stop at every 4-stop intersection. A 4-way stop, where all possibilities are covered, and yet people still don’t get it. Nowhere else in life are all of the rules so simply laid out…

  7. I will not be moderated, damnit.

    How about blacklisting?

  8. If you don’t like that video, here’s another. It’s from the comment thread that Mendacious D. (IF that is his real name!!!??!) linked.


    ~

  9. The video was fine. I was wondering if you weren’t feeling oppressed enough, and I could blacklist you so you could feel properly put-upon. I couldn’t find any sidelined comments, so I was unclear what your beef was.

  10. M. Bouffant says:

    You’re a day early, but so was Friday the13th this mo.

  11. mikey says:

    Can’t wait ’til the new mentat gets here…

  12. YOUR OH-SO-POLITE ‘WAVING’ ME THROUGH THE INTERSECTION DOES NOTHING EXCEPT AGGRAVATE EVERYONE AND IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN IF YOU ACTUALLY KNEW THE RULES OF THE ROAD.

    Maybe this person was catching their breath, or had a cramp.

    • blue girl says:

      That’s the spirit, BBB!!

    • spoken truly like a person who does not drive on a consistent basis.

    • Not a chance. I looked directly at him. we were in the residential neighborhood, he had little opportunity to be winded, and if he had a cramp, he shouldn’t have been in the middle of the driving lane… Look, Bastard, I I respect your willingness to give every living thing the benefit of the doubt, but this was a bike rider who claimed (properly) the driving lane and then abdicated his rights.As a former motorcycle (and bicycle) rider, I am completely sympathetic; and know that you have the right to those lanes of traffic; and FFS, if you make claim to one of those lanes, well then JUST GO AHEAD AND FUCKING TAKE CLAIM TO IT. Especially in a case where I am obviously allowing you the legally required ROW.

      He could also have been properly served had he come to the intersection on the far right side. The fire truck would have waited for him to move, as I would have; but no. He landed with his bicycle right in the middle of all the vehicular traffic, and then refused to obey the laws of the vehicular traffic. The only reason I, or the fire truck, didn’t run him over is because we are better drivers…

  13. Silent Mike says:

    When I was a forgotten man and had nowhere to go and no time to be there I became the slow not a problem in the world driver. I got where I wanted when I got there and got great gas milage. Now that I’m back in the rat race I drive like a maniac again. What I have to say to you, oh mighty zombie, is that is one of the greatest posts you have ever made! Woot Woot my zombs. WOot Woot indeed!

    • Silent mike makes me properly abashed, however. Although I am certain Mister-bicycle-rider-helmet-weariing-waving jerkwad was not anywhere near the issues raised, not to mention that at 8 in the morning he would be very advance to be good and drunk (plus, really, if he was drunk he would have just blown through the light and and actually that would have been better in any case)

      but anyway, driving conservatively to be less consumptive of gas use has little to do with intersection rules and behavior. Zombie says like a prim and proper grammar librarian. We won’t even begin to talk about shoveling snow.

    • mike, you were never a forgotten man.

  14. Driving makes me a more awful person. Perhaps one day I will reach peak awful.

Go ahead, tell me how I fucked up this time.

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