American Coffin

Posted: March 17, 2013 in Fridge Note

Atrios reports that his house originally had 16 children buried in the basement.

Dust to dust, are you squeamish?


My house was built 109 years ago as a doctor’s house, and included an office for him complete with separate entry.  Then, it served as an adjunct to the nursing home up the street, which eventually was turned into a detox mansion.  Then it was an illicit frat house, then an illicit rooming house.

Now it serves as a Zomicile.

I am confident that people have died here, and pretty certain there are some buried in the basement.  Why not?  Poltergeist, was, after all, fiction; besides, that kind of crap happens in the suburbs.

What do you think is under YOUR house?

  1. The house we’re in was built in the 1950s, apparently, about the same time as the entire neighborhood. Before that, we were told by the guy across the street, this area was one enormous, enormous, enormous ant colony and more than a few million of those buggers still consider this their home, with considerable justification and tenacity.

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© says:

    Pet Sematary!


  3. you saying those 16 kids were being raised as PETS, thndr?

  4. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© says:

    P.S. Guess what idiot governor Dancin’ Dave had on today?

  5. thunder, we both know that OBAMA is under your house, listening to you masturbate.

  6. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© says:

    Obama is too busy trying to cut your Social Security for that.

    • Huh. Considering the other things he’s accomplished, one would think that he would have gotten farther on that in 5 years, especially considering that it is the ACTUAL, STATED goal of the Republicans.

      I think you may be confusing Obama with an imaginary hoodoo amalgam of Pete Peterson, John Boehner, Alan Simpson, Alan Greenspan, Dick Cheney’s animatronic heart, and Sarah Palin, all wrapped up in a sheet of chocolate-brown.

    • Wait. Are you thinking of George Bush? Because he ACTUALLY PROPOSED to privatize Social Security. Or do Republicans actually trying to do the things that you imagine Obama doing not bother you?

    • ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© says:

      President Barack Obama told House Democrats this week that it’s better to make changes to entitlement programs when a Democrat is in office rather than risk doing so under a Republican chief executive, according to two lawmakers who attended.

      Bush ran it up the flag pole and pulled it down after the first couple shots were fired.

      Pete Peterson, you say? Who do you think Obama’s handpicked Catfood Commission co-chairmen are working for now?

    • Yeah, that’s what you said, over and over, about changes to Medicare. And then when the changes were revealed as part of the ACA, they had the effect of STRENGTHENING the program.

      So Pete Petersen is in Congress now? And you keep talking about Simpson and Bowles as if their little project actually succeeded at anything other than making Beltway pundits little thingies wiggle.

      So the President said something that actually wasn’t a policy proposal. I guess the sky is still falling.

      Look, I don’t disagree with you about social safety net programs. However, you keep ascribing actions and motivations to the Bad Black Man without much in the way of actual stated positions or actual proposals. Unlike GWB who actually DID make a policy proposal beyond using a vague willingness to talk as bait to try and get the opposition party to actually do their jobs and legislate.

    • So who is that under your house listening to you masturbate? I would guess Dick Cheney, but as we all know Republicans NEVER do anything as bad as Democrats, who are the source of all that is EVIL in the world. Maybe Joe Biden is training deer to eat your mountain laurel! Yes, that seems likely.

    • mikey says:

      Unlike GWB who actually DID make a policy proposal beyond using a vague willingness to talk as bait to try and get the opposition party to actually do their jobs and legislate.

      Or Paul Ryan, who, if enough people had followed Thunder’s electoral strategy to defeat Obama at the polls would have been Vice President in an Executive led by a man who would have pretty much done anything he told him to do. His plan to Voucherize Medicare – he calls it “Premium Support” would be approximately a hundred times worse than a shift to Chained CPI Adjustments. Not to mention repealing the ACA and slashing SCHIP in order to leave 50 million Americans without health care.

      But that Obama is is the bad guy here…

  7. Given that before our house was built in the ’50s there was no structure on our property, I’d have to guess that the only thing under my house is clay. Many many feet of clay (heh).

    Well that and apparently my dignity, since I continue to work for The Man and not telling ’em to go pound sand. Must be buried under my house, I can’t find it anywhere else.

  8. mikey says:

    What’s under your house?

    Um, the parking garage.

    What are you wearing?


    What’s in your wallet?

    A really old orange condom…

    Questions. We got ’em…

  9. M. Bouffant says:

    My bldg. will be 90 this yr. I doubt there was anything human on this site before it, beyond something agricultural like a bean field. Maybe tar pits, or gas & oil.

    Gotta figure w/ 40 units there’s been a death or two (if not a burial) in the bldg. over 90 yrs.

    Used to live in a now 85-yr. old bldg., whose crawl space I visited more than once for cable-stealing purposes. That was it, a crawl space. Nothing else under it.

  10. Sheesh. California is so BORING.

  11. My bldg. will be 90 this yr.

    Looking at that fast, it can be seen as “my BLOG will be 90 this year” To which I thought, wow, I know the bi-polar and shit but I though MB was a little more grounded in reality than THAT.

    Maybe I need new glasses.

  12. Something about your house once being a detox clinic makes me all smirky. Isn’t your house still a little bit of a frat house, what with them breaking your fence and shit?

    Sad story about my current house: the last owners put about tens of thousands of dollars renovating it…then both died within a year of the redo. 😦

  13. So you’re saying I *shouldn’t* have sex with corpses? God, you’re square.

  14. No, just excavate and do it. combine the corpse thing with a burial fetish. Even hotter.

  15. mikey says:

    And then you can eat their liver.

    That’s the best part.

    Unless, of course, liver disease. Probably should just go to Whole Foods…

  16. Have you signed your donor card mikey?

  17. mikey says:

    We deal in lead, friend…

  18. mikey says:

    Something I learned today.

    I always snickered at the name if the Japanese baseball team the NIppon Ham Fighters.

    Heh heh. Ham Fighters. I wrestle with Ham.

    But it actually turns out that they are from Nippon Ham, and they are the Fighters.

    Now, I tend to think they could have done a better job of helping us understand the delineation between their home base and their team name.

    Heh heh.


  19. mikey says:

    Pete Peterson, you say? Who do you think Obama’s handpicked Catfood Commission co-chairmen are working for now?

    And is there any legislation in committee? In markup? Is there even a fucking BILL? There’s a ton of bullshit out there – I’d point out – though I don’t expect you to acknowledge it – that the Ryan budget has actually passed the House. Meanwhile you’re attacking Obama for taking a negotiating position he can’t even legally implement.

    Do you see where maybe you’re a little blind to the process, let alone the reality?

    • You know, if we could get the Republicans to come back from the Dark Side of Uranus, I’d be worried about the rightier members of the Democratic party were doing. But considering that the last 5 years actually have seen a not-inconsiderable number of relatively, if moderately, liberal movement in actual legislation, while not really any thing that has been moved to a position worse than it was during 2001-2009 (leet alone what lay in wait in the McCain-Palin administration or the Rmoney-RAyn one, I’d rather place my efforts in seeing MORE Republicans defeated.

      For instance, there’s this Waffle of Turd in Wisconsin…may have heard of him. Don’t know if I’ve mentioned him on this blog.

    • mikey says:

      Yes, and that’s precisely because the Republicans have gone batshit insane. They could easily have adopted a negotiating stance and, by participating in the process, moved the ACA and Dodd/Frank stubstantially rightward. But by checking out of the process and going for the all-or-nothing kill-it-or-die-trying legislative strategy, they had no input in the bill’s contents…

  20. that escalated quickly

    • You haven’t been around. thndr, mikey and I are like old married folks at this point. An argument hits the high points, takes much back and forth as already read, and moves right into throwing crockery.

      Of course, this was a post talking about dead people buried beneath houses, so what can be expected?

    • “You haven’t been around. thndr, mikey and I are like old married folks ”

      Typical liberal–he’s for plural marriages!!!

    • herr doktor bimler says:

      Of course, this was a post talking about dead people buried beneath houses, so what can be expected?

      Objection! You only said something about 16 children buried in the basement; nothing about them dying first.

  21. one of my favorite things about Justified is how often the bad guys kill each other

    • Are saying mikey and I should kill each other? Because that’s pretty hostile.

    • mikey says:

      I’m surprised by this. I’m just assuming you HAVE read much Elmore Leonard in your time. Split Images. Swag. 52 Pickup. The killing is almost secondary, thoughtless, just an outgrowth of the moment. Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing…

  22. Watching Season 8 of Weeds. Kevin Nealon really hit his stride on this series.

  23. Kathleen says:

    I’ve only read Be Cool.

  24. I’m pretty sure there’s a family of deros living under my house.

    My uncle Jim and my dad both died in the ancestral homestead in the Bronx. I was the guy to give detailed medical histories to the coroner when he showed up. I also worked in a nursing home and, whenever someone died while I was working there, I’d be one of the folks to bring the body to the morgue, being singularly unsqueamish.

  25. Also, regarding the title… American coffins are a whole buncha “meh”. I prefer sexy Italian coffins.

  26. well I lasted 5 secs into that video